How do toxic parents affect a child's growth?

What if one day we realize that we have been abused in the name of love? Is our story of hurt just a personal pain or a common tragedy of a community?

Journalist Stephanie Foo, author of Where the Light Shines

Stephanie Foo - a Malaysian-American journalist, and also a sufferer of complex post-traumatic stress disorder - tells her story of "survival" in the book Where the light shines on the wound.

When violence disguises as love

Stephanie Foo was just two and a half years old when her family left Malaysia and settled in California. Her father, a Chinese-Malaysian man, had always dreamed of the “American dream” and worked hard to put the family in a beautiful house in San Jose, with a rooftop terrace and a swimming pool, located near many quality schools.

Everything looks perfect from the outside. But when you open the door to that beautiful apartment, you will see a completely different reality.

Throughout her childhood, Stephanie endured physical and mental abuse from her parents.

She always tried to be a good and understanding child but only received the burden of having to take care of and soothe her parents' emotional trauma.

Stephanie's parents' physical and emotional abuse left her with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). People with CPTSD have typically experienced persistent abuse, meaning the trauma occurs over a long period of time, over many years.

The pages describing Stephanie's past of abuse and violence make readers pause many times because of the heaviness and pain.

C-PTSD not only affects Stephanie's daily life, from anxiety, difficulty regulating emotions, self-hatred, but also makes it difficult to maintain relationships, tends to be aggressive towards others... The fatal blow of this disease is that it makes one feel unworthy of being loved.

Book Where the light shines on wounds - Photo: Publishing House

Stephanie not only looks at her own pain, but also questions the root of pain. When we look at it, we see not just the pain of an individual but of many generations.

As Stephanie confides: "I am a product of a country. I am one of many. We are all victims of a dysfunctional community that is very good at suppressing ourselves while muttering: 'Laugh through your tears. Swallow your bitterness.'"

Allow yourself to make mistakes

Accepting that you have a mental illness is never easy, but the journey to recovery can seem even more difficult.

Stephanie Foo tried various methods to recover, including psychotherapy, yoga, meditation, and neuroscience- based therapies. One moment she felt like she was doing well, only to sink into another pit of feeling like a failure, a “bad version” of herself.

Read the book and understand that in the healing journey, you not only have to learn to accept your wounds but also have to gradually open your heart to trust, allow yourself to make mistakes…

All emotions have meaning. Sadness is necessary to process pain. Fear keeps us safe. Eliminating these emotions completely is not only impossible, but harmful.

Like the ending of a fairy tale, Stephanie Foo not only rose from the ashes but also found a loving husband and a warm family.

But it wasn't a miracle from some god, everything she achieved came from her brave fight and perseverance to overcome the cracks of the past.

Stephanie Foo is a Malaysian-American. She is a writer and radio producer, most recently for This American Life .

She has taught at Columbia University and spoken at venues ranging from the Sundance Film Festival to the Missouri Department of Mental Health.

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Source: https://tuoitre.vn/cha-me-doc-hai-anh-huong-ra-sao-den-su-truong-thanh-cua-mot-dua-tre-20250714091327272.htm