In an article on The Player's Tribune, midfielder Ilkay Gundogan recounts his glorious years with Man City, culminating in the treble last season, and his determination to fulfill his dream of playing for Barca.
Dear City,
When I first arrived, I was a young man, childless and full of dreams. It is hard to imagine that after seven years I will leave as a father and with all my dreams fulfilled.
Today is a mixed bag. Goodbyes are always hard to say, and even harder to say when waving goodbye to Man City. When I had to tell all my teammates about my decision to leave the group chat on my phone, I was extremely emotional. Honestly, I will miss them all. But I also feel happy because I can proudly announce that I am leaving as a champion, and that I will always hold on to the love of the club. How many players get to say goodbye as captain of a team that just won the treble?
Gundogan holds the Champions League trophy after defeating Inter with Man City in the final in Turkey in June 2023. Photo: Reuters
What we have achieved is incredible. Five Premier League titles in seven years. Two FA Cups. And a Champions League. And a treble. But those are just trophies. The thing I will cherish the most is the feeling of being in this team with you, especially last season. I have never felt that way in my career as a player.
I am usually a quiet person, a bit reserved. Sometimes it takes a while to get me to open my mouth. But we can still tell jokes to each other no matter how much pressure we are under. We often practice 5v2 in the penalty area at training and my favorite part of this is joking with Ruben Dias. I guess it's because I'm a simple player and my friends always tease me by calling me "Zidane" when I show off some technical moves.
Whenever I have a good training session, Ruben goes around calling me "Zidane".
But one day I replied to him: "Okay, today I will let you be Pirlo. Tomorrow you will be Zizou."
Every day is the same, we laugh together, which is rare in football. I have to give credit to the wives and girlfriends of our players, because it is thanks to them that we are so close. Those ladies often talk about organizing barbecues in the group chat, thanks to that we become united. This is the most united group I have ever been present, and I believe that is also why we can lift the Champions League Cup together.
Gundogan's seven years at Man City.
I have to say that the Champions League has been a title that has haunted me for the past 10 years. Really haunted me! When my Dortmund team lost to Bayern in the 2013 final, I was so sad that I cried. Losing a final always brings an indescribable pain. For 10 years, the echoes of that day have tormented me. Every decision I have made in my career since then has revolved around the goal of winning the Champions League. That's why I came to Man City. And that's why when we lost to Chelsea in the Champions League final two years ago, that terrible feeling came back. And then last season, it was even more painful when I was on the bench in the semi-final against Real Madrid at the Etihad. After Pep Guardiola announced the starting lineup, I just quietly went into my room alone... I really wanted to collapse. You know, I wanted to play so much!
But this season, something inside me said, “This time it’s different.” I just knew we could do it. And I don’t mean just the Champions League. The Premier League and the FA Cup – every trophy. Week in, week out, I felt like the heavens were in perfect order. Even when we were 10 points behind Arsenal, I still believed we could win the league. This team has had a solid foundation over the years with Kevin, Kyle, John, Phil, Bernardo and Ederson, and adding unique individuals like Erling and Jack is like a tiger with wings.
I just want to clarify to some media about Jack Grealish. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met in football . Jack is a very happy, humble and innocent person. I am very happy to see him doing well this season because I know the pressure that comes with signing for a big club for a big sum of money. He has worked extremely hard to reach his potential this season and he is really important for us.
Then there's Erling Haaland. Honestly, when Erling came to City, I didn't know what to expect from him. Seeing the goals he scored at Dortmund and all the attention he got, you wondered if he would be a good fit for City. But when I got to know Erling, I was surprised that such a talented guy still wants to improve day by day. Erling is never satisfied with himself. I feel like there's no limit to his level. Messi and Ronaldo are the only limits to his level.
Gundogan's 60 goals for Man City.
Stefan Ortega, City's second-choice goalkeeper, is another guy who has made a huge difference in my life. We have a lot in common because we're German, but it's the espressos we've had together every day over the past year that have made me open up to him. If Stefan hadn't been at City, I don't think I would have had the season I've had. In football, you know, you need a rock and Stefan is my rock. This season, I've also become closer to Kevin De Bruyne. I feel like I can talk to him about anything, and when you see your colleagues as brothers, you see a big difference.
With so many personalities in the dressing room, I feel more confident every time the team steps onto the pitch. When you truly believe in your teammates, you can play with ease – without fear, without anxiety – and miracles come naturally. Maybe that’s why I’ve scored so many important goals this season.
The whole season felt like a movie. But I couldn’t have dreamed of a sweeter ending than that night in Istanbul. For me and my family, it was like a homecoming. I remember looking out the window as the plane was about to land in the city, and I suddenly realized that I was about to captain City to the Champions League final in my father’s hometown.
As the team boarded the bus to the hotel, I sat next to Scott Carson, a member of the Liverpool team that pulled off the incredible comeback against AC Milan in 2005.
Scott said: "With me here, you guys don't have to worry about anything! Every time I come to Istanbul, I come back with the Champions League Cup."
Hahaha. With Scott comes the Cup, I believe!
Gundogan celebrates after scoring for Man City in the FA Cup final win over Man Utd at Wembley. Photo: Reuters
The bad thing was that the final wasn’t until 10pm local time, so we sat in the hotel room all day, thinking about all sorts of things. I even turned off my phone because I didn’t want to read my messages. I couldn’t sleep either. I couldn’t watch TV either. I was really restless. In my room, my head was running the game simulation 500 times. I just wanted to get on the field right now, I wanted it so bad!
One thing I will never forget is Pep pulling me aside in the dressing room after the warm-up and telling me to spend some time with Kyle Walker and the team. That alone says a lot about the group and the special feeling we were having, because Kyle wasn’t starting that day.
I remember Kyle telling the team how much he loved us: "The Champions League has always been my dream. Go out there and make it come true for me!"
I can’t say much about the match, it’s still a bit hazy. Objectively speaking, we didn’t play a great final. We were a bit hesitant in our moves. But in the end, we still found a way to win, like any other champion.
What I remember most is the moment the referee blew the final whistle. I collapsed right next to the goal. Enough! I buried my head in the grass. I tried to get my head together. When I got up, the first thing I saw was the Inter players sitting around me, crying. I knew exactly what they felt, so I went over and told them they had every right to be proud of their season and to keep fighting. I, with what I had been through, clearly said that was not a cliché. Moreover, in a final, the line between winning and losing is very fragile. You can be the winner or the loser in a matter of seconds.
Tasting honey and lying on thorns, years of struggle are never in vain.
After suffering comes sweetness! How sweet is the taste of victory!
I remember walking towards my teammates who were standing at the end of the pitch, Stefan was the first one I grabbed. We hugged each other for a long time and it was a moment that really touched my heart. I started crying. He cried too. The feeling of happiness was so intense and left a feeling of relief.
Pep could only say one thing: "We did it! We did it! We did it!"
I went up to my wife and family in the crowd, and they were like, "You did it! You did it! You did it!"
No. Exactly as Pep said. We did it!
Behind every dream there is a family and family is as important as the player. My parents have worked hard all their lives to give me a happy life. My father was a truck driver for a beer company. My mother was a chef in a hotel pool restaurant. My grandfather emigrated to Germany to work in the mines. So, standing in front of the world as a Champions League winner, with the name Gundogan, I was very emotional!
I have to say, those emotions and happiness would not have been possible without Pep. There were times when the rigour and tension he demanded of the way he played was a bit difficult for us mentally. But once we were all in agreement and in harmony on the pitch, Pep’s system was so superior that it felt like you didn’t have to sweat at all.
And with Pep, I always had a close relationship.
He once said to me: "I wish I could pick 11 midfielders to play together. You'd be five steps ahead of the opposition."
One of the hardest calls I ever made was to Pep, to tell him I was leaving City. All I could say was thank you. Not just for this season, or for all the trophies I’d won, but for bringing me to City as his first signing. I’ll never forget the moment when I was having surgery on my knee at the end of that season at Dortmund, and I was terrified that City wouldn’t sign me. But Pep called me and said, “Don’t worry, it’s still the same. We want you at City. And we’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.”
I don't know what City fans thought, seeing a quiet young man with a funny name arrive at their club on a big money deal with one leg on crutches on his debut.
All I can say is...
I came here with one leg on crutches, but when I left I felt like I was on cloud nine.
After the treble and the memorable parade in Manchester, I said to myself: What could be better than this? What is there left to fight for in life? Could I write a more perfect chapter?
The answer is: You can't!
Gundogan hugs Pep Guardiola after winning the FA Cup. Photo: Reuters
I think Pep may have hoped that we would go to City together and leave together, but I know he will understand my decision. I am sure of it because I am going to the club he loves. Hopefully we will meet again in a Champions League final soon.
If I had decided to leave, there was only one club in the world that could have been the most likely destination. It was Barca or nowhere. Ever since I was a boy, I have always dreamed of wearing the Barca shirt one day. I am confident that I still have a few good years left in my career and I just want to help bring Barca back to where it belongs. It would also be a reunion with my old friend Lewandowski, and I am excited to play under someone I have admired for so long. When Xavi and I spoke about the project at Barca, it seemed so natural. I saw so many similarities between us in terms of personality and football.
I know there will be a lot of pressure at Barca. But I like pressure. I like to leave my comfort zone. I am not looking for a quiet place. I want to conquer new challenges. That is the next chapter I am looking forward to.
I can't wait to put on the Barca shirt. But first, I want to say the last words to Manchester City. I want to speak directly to all my brothers, to the coaching staff and especially to the fans of the team...
I just want you to know that I will always belong to City. It is a destiny that cannot be broken. It is the highest level of the concept of love.
All I can say is thank you all.
I have been able to live my dreams thanks to the teachers who have always pushed me (sometimes fiercely!), the teammates who have sacrificed everything to play beautiful football, the fans who have travelled thousands of miles to support us, the club who have given me the opportunity to be part of such an ambitious project, and all the doctors and therapists who have graciously looked after our health.
I'm sure most people will remember the goals and assists and finals of this extraordinary era. I, for one, will choose to cherish something a little different.
Yes, football is sometimes incredibly emotional!
But it is the people of football that are the most wonderful!
I will miss you all for the rest of my life!
Thanks for everything!
Warm and sincere greetings,
Ilkay.
Hoang Thong (according to The Players' Tribune )
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