Being matchmade during Tet

During the Tet holiday, Hoang Ninh, 27 years old, in Bac Giang, had three blind dates arranged by her parents at home, leaving her with no way to escape.

If it were a normal day, she could have excused herself to be sick and gone on a business trip to avoid meeting and exchanging contact information with strange guys. But during Tet holiday, Ninh had to stay at home, following her parents' arrangements and supervision.

After the blind dates, her mother did not stop but kept urging her to take the initiative to text. The men she introduced all had stable jobs, good looks, and were from families of equal social standing.

"My precious days off turned into awkward meetings. I didn't want to open up if forced, so I only planned to meet once," said the accountant in Hanoi .

Hoang Ninh, 27 years old, during a coffee break with friends in Hoan Kiem district, Hanoi in early 2024. Photo: Character provided

Since turning 30, Nhat Anh, a technician from Nghe An province in Ho Chi Minh City, has been constantly match-making by his parents and relatives every time he returns to his hometown. During Tet 2023, he was assigned the responsibility of taking his mother to wish his father a happy new year. All the families he and his mother went to wish him a happy new year had unmarried daughters, 2-5 years younger than him.

In addition to feeling shy, Nhat Anh said that many of the people he was introduced to did not match his personality, lifestyle or education level. When he got home, he did not contact them to avoid wasting both of their time.

"Even if we are compatible in every way, if she works in Nghe An, I will have to refuse because I cannot give up my career to return to my hometown. And I am not sure if she will accept moving to Ho Chi Minh City to follow her husband," Nhat Anh said. This is also the reason why this man always wants to find a girl in the same industry, with the same life views, good-looking and working in Ho Chi Minh City to marry, instead of following his parents' arrangement.

Nhat Anh and Hoang Ninh are among the 31% of people who do not like being introduced to a matchmaker according to a survey by VnExpress . Only 20% consider this an opportunity to find a partner. Many articles and videos shared on social networks about the situation of young people being introduced to a matchmaker when returning home for Tet have attracted a lot of attention. Under the posts, many accounts also share similar experiences.

According to expert Vu Thu Huong, former lecturer at Hanoi Pedagogical University, the story of "being set up as a matchmaker" is quite common due to the impatience of parents when their children are not married, especially in the context of the rapidly increasing rate of single people in Vietnam.

According to the General Statistics Office, the average age of first marriage in the country in 2021 was 26.2, 0.5 years higher than in 2020; by 2022 it will be 26.9 years old. Experts predict that by 2034 there will be 1.5 million men and by 2050 there will be 4 million men facing the risk of not being able to get married.

Fearing that her son would be "left on the shelf", 65-year-old Kim Ly, Nhat Anh's mother, took the initiative to find a daughter-in-law. Previously, this woman had confided in and persuaded her son to find a lover many times, but failed. Seeing that Tet was the right time, Mrs. Ly and her husband made a list of families with unmarried daughters in the village, to connect with in advance. "Secretly arranging for my children is not fun, but I have to try. If I let them be free, they will still be single at 40-50, and their parents will get older day by day," she said.

Psychologist Nguyen Thi Minh, a lecturer at the Ho Chi Minh National Academy of Public Administration, said the phenomenon of being pressured to get married and start a family is not new, and was even more severe in the previous generation. However, because young people are increasingly proactive, independent, and culturally integrated, the pressure from parents and those around them is considered old-fashioned and outdated.

However, constantly urging people to get married and matchmaking will "do more harm than good". Experts say that young people today are under more pressure from work when the unemployment rate increases, the burden of making a living or constantly working overtime makes them want to have time to rest and recover their energy instead of being forced to go on blind dates.

"In many cases, young people may feel uncomfortable, stressed, tired, have conflicts with relatives or be afraid to return home for Tet," expert Vu Thu Huong warned.

Sharing on VnExpress , Associate Professor Dr. Nguyen Duc Loc, Director of the Institute for Social Life Research, also said that the story of young people being afraid of Tet or avoiding celebrating Tet has become common in the past 5 years.

There has been no specific survey on this phenomenon, but experts say it often occurs in young people over 25 years old. "This is the time when society begins to set expectations about marriage, salary, and economic pressure when Tet comes, causing young people to fall into fear and seek ways to avoid it," said Mr. Loc.

As for Hoang Ninh, constantly being arranged for matchmaking sessions at home made her tired, finding every excuse to escape. In addition to meeting friends, the 27-year-old girl wandered around coffee shops from morning to late at night, waiting until the 6th to go to Hanoi.

Tired of constantly having to go on blind dates, Nhat Anh frankly shared his thoughts with his mother. But instead of sympathizing, the two of them argued. "My mother even said that if I didn't agree to get married, I shouldn't come home. I worked all year, and when I came home, I wanted to rest, but I had to think of a thousand ways to avoid matchmaking, which was exhausting," he said.

Having been in a similar situation, Thanh Tam in Thanh Hoa chose to travel for Lunar New Year 2024. The 29-year-old girl said she would return home on the evening of the 29th of Tet to celebrate New Year's Eve with her parents and booked a ticket to travel on the morning of the 1st of Tet. This choice would give Tam more time for herself. She confirmed that she would get married but at the moment she has not found the right person.

To prevent young people from being afraid of returning home for Tet or having conflicts with their parents, expert Vu Thu Huong advises families to consider appropriate forms of "matchmaking". Parents need to frankly express their desire to introduce a boy or girl to their children during Tet but must always respect their children's decisions. And young people themselves need to actively discuss and express their thoughts instead of maintaining a negative attitude because, after all, parents only want the best for their children.

"Matchmaking is not bad, but you need to choose the right time and situation. There is nothing more perfect than being able to reunite with your family on the first day of the new year and luckily finding your life partner," said Ms. Huong.

Ngoc Linh, 27 years old in Hai Phong, also just got married to a man three years older than her, introduced by her parents. Seeing many similarities and compatible personalities, the two got married after 8 months of dating.

"I was lucky to find the right person. The two families knew each other beforehand, making it easier to get to know each other, introduce each other, and get married," Linh said.

Quynh Nguyen

Source: https://vnexpress.net/bi-mai-moi-dip-tet-4708911.html