The “sandwich generation” and family responsibility

The pressure from both sides, raising children and caring for elderly parents, weighs heavily on the "sandwich generation" - middle-aged people (40-50 years old). Many people are trying every day to find ways to adapt.

Husband and wife celebrate grandchild's birthday with grandmother. Photo: DUNG PHUONG

Nameless feelings

Mr. Nguyen Van Hai (42 years old, living in Phu Thuan ward, Ho Chi Minh City) compares himself and his wife to a "sandwich", on one side are two children, one is 5 years old, the other is 10 years old, still in school age, on the other side are his old and weak parents. Every time his children or parents are sick, Mr. Hai feels like he is about to... fall apart.

Hai's job as a construction engineer and his wife's office income are enough to cover the family's living expenses. Since his mother became sick, he and his wife took her from the countryside to take care of her. The child's tuition, medicine, and living expenses skyrocketed. In addition to financial pressure, mental pressure is the more worrying thing. "My child went from one class to another, and my mother was often sick. My wife and I took turns taking her to and from school and taking care of her. The boss watched, and my colleagues sighed," Hai confided.

Standing between two generations, the "sandwich generation" has a bunch of unnamed problems to solve. Ms. Ma Thi Huyen Anh (39 years old, living in Hiep Binh ward) said that her family often has small conflicts. "My father wants to watch the news, but my children beg to watch cartoons. My mother wants to eat boiled food for simplicity, but my children want fried food. My grandparents often get angry, and the children are stubborn... Sometimes I can't please everyone, so I feel like I'm stuck," Ms. Huyen Anh confided.

Those conflicts are just trivial matters, but if not understood, they can become mental pressure for those in the middle.

Finding peace in the midst of chaos

When shouldering two generations, many people have found their own "strategies". Ms. Minh Thuy (40 years old, living in Cau Kieu ward) did not choose to endure alone but found a way to turn pressure into joy. "In the past, I thought I had to take care of everything myself, until I almost collapsed from stress, then I realized I was making myself and my family suffer," Ms. Minh Thuy confided. After that, she and her husband clearly divided responsibilities. The husband was in charge of picking up and dropping off the children, the wife was in charge of shopping and cooking. Taking care of the parents when they were sick was taken care of. Sometimes, when the grandparents were well, they also helped the couple take the children to school. Common chores such as cleaning the house were shared by the whole family.

Minh Thuy and her husband also encourage their parents to join senior clubs, both to provide friends and to help them have their own space and hobbies. "The key is to know how to listen and talk regularly with parents and children," she shared. The secret for the couple is to learn to listen to their parents' wishes and sometimes speak frankly about their own difficulties. When people understand each other better, the pressure is reduced.

There are also families who choose to seek help from relatives. For example, Mr. Vu Duy Tan and his wife (living in Tan Dinh ward) set up a support group on Zalo including him, his wife, his sister and her husband, and several older grandchildren. As for the children, each person contributes a small amount every month to the reserve fund for when their mother is sick and takes turns taking their mother to regular check-ups.

Sharing responsibilities makes everyone feel more comfortable, but the core thing that people like Minh Thuy and her husband or Tan and her husband have done is to proactively seek help from relatives instead of taking all the worries on themselves. Thanks to that, the pressure of the "sandwich generation" they are experiencing is not necessarily a burden but also an experience, a happiness when they always have relatives by their side.

Recently, at the National Conference to disseminate 4 Resolutions of the Politburo , including Resolution No. 72-NQ/TW on strengthening the protection, care and improvement of people's health, General Secretary To Lam emphasized the need to encourage models of care for the elderly. The General Secretary suggested developing "semi-boarding" nursing centers, with shuttle buses in the morning and shuttle buses in the afternoon, helping the elderly meet friends, chat, and reduce loneliness. This is a practical solution, supporting urban families to reduce the pressure of care, creating conditions for the "sandwich generation" to worry about peace of mind.

AUTUMN

Source: https://www.sggp.org.vn/the-he-sandwich-va-trach-nhiem-voi-gia-dinh-post815142.html