Just after breaking up, I often "accidentally" go down roads full of memories - Illustration: QUANG DINH
More than 20 years ago, I wrote a poem about my old love. At that time, I named it "Writing for the day of separation" with the words full of pain:
If one day I can no longer see you
Does not mean breakup, end
Life is busy, I know what to do to keep you from being confused with people
Happiness is not easily divided into seven parts.
Just like I will try to forget those days
Old street corner, I beg you every time I pass that way
Don't look back or old memories will be broken...
Because of those verses, I was ridiculed by my friends for being sentimental. According to my friends who are love experts, I should forget and end it. Breaking up means each person goes their separate ways. Ending it means each person goes their separate ways. Why hold on and cause heartache? Why be attached and make it difficult for yourself and the other person.
But feelings are like that, how can you just say forget and stop remembering? I was haunted, missing that old image for many years, to the point that I thought I could shave my head and become a monk to stop thinking about life, to stop remembering.
Strangely, when people encounter storms in love, they want to find some religious belief to rely on. At that time, we forget to rely on ourselves, love ourselves and control all our emotions.
After the first love, even in the second love, I still felt that I could not escape the sea of sentimental love. Because I did not dare to face it, I chose to step back and silently observe. Many times, in my mind, I wanted to meet them, calmly and comfortably like friends and acquaintances on the street, but why was it still impossible?
Emotions dominated, leading to me limiting communication and visits, and also blocking social media channels to avoid seeing him.
But little did I know, many nights while wandering around on the road, I had gone down old roads without realizing it. Sometimes I was startled to discover that I had just driven past that alley.
In fact, there are many people who still maintain friendships with their exes. Perhaps they are brave and rational enough to face it without feeling embarrassed. Or they are civilized and mature enough to see that ending a relationship is not such a terrible thing. As for me, am I weak and sentimental in my own way of loving and thinking?
A psychologist friend of mine told me that there is no right or wrong way to deal with emotions. Everyone heals in their own way.
Some people are strong enough to face it head on. Some people choose to gnaw on their pain, waiting for time to heal it. But no matter what, you must never be negative with your emotions, mistreat yourself, or overreact to people from the past.
That friend also said that if you are not skillful and tactful in connecting with your ex, it can easily lead to misunderstandings, which can be very unfortunate. Especially in cases where the other person has a new partner.
Intense interactions or clinging will unintentionally cause suffering for both and sometimes in return, it will be dangerous for you when your ex's new partner is jealous.
There are still many good things in life out there. Somewhere on this Earth, God is saving you a suitable love. Be strong enough to escape the darkness and find your bright other half waiting for you.
What do you think about yourself or your spouse still showing signs of missing your ex? Do you consider interacting with your ex normal? Please share your story and feelings at tto@tuoitre.com.vn. Tuoi Tre Online thanks you.
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