Thinking of Mom when Spring Comes

I remember the writer Vu Bang wrote about January like this: "Who says that mountains should not love water, butterflies should not love flowers, the moon should not love wind; who can forbid men to love women; who can forbid mothers to love their children; who can forbid young girls to miss their husbands, then only can people stop being infatuated with spring" . Yet every time I hear the swallows carrying the news of spring, my heart is filled with anxiety and fear.

When I realized that the joy from my lucky money envelopes was also exchanged for my mother's opening money; when I realized that when Tet came, my mother had to rush to brace herself in the bitter cold of the winter wind that was blowing in continuous waves like KPI, I was no longer happy every time the golden sunlight touched the apricot branches in front of the gate.

At the end of the year, my mother had to work three times as much.

PHOTO: LE THANH HAI

Because in the last days of the year, my mother had to work as hard as my father because "You will only know your wisdom when you reach the mandarin's office, and you will only know your wealth when you reach the thirtieth day of Tet". She worked so hard so that the house would be full of fatty meat, pickled onions, cakes and candies for three days of Tet. She worked so hard so that the altar would have a full tray of five fruits and warm incense to welcome the grandparents home to celebrate Tet and welcome spring.

There were times when I blamed my mother for not buying new clothes or shoes even though it was already 30. Sometimes I was even angry and upset and unintentionally said things that hurt my mother. My mother didn’t say anything, she just sighed and hurried back to the pile of work that was coming to hold her. I was so foolish, only knowing how to make amends. I didn’t know that all day long, when everyone had already quit their jobs and were busy shopping and decorating, my mother – and many other mothers – were still sweating hot and cold trying to earn some extra money to buy their children some new clothes.

At the end of the day, when everyone was waiting for the sound of firecrackers to light up the New Year's Eve, my mother was still quietly cleaning the house, carefully ironing my brand new clothes. At that time, I was already lost in my dream. The next morning, I was surprised. The neatly ironed shirts and the smooth pleated pants made me jump for joy and many years later made me regret and feel tormented. I began to dislike Tet. If time stopped without tearing up the calendar, I would rather let the calendars lie there, so that my mother would not have to struggle with worries in the days before Tet.

The moment I understood my mother's hardship was also the moment I clearly saw the nature of the cycle of time.

PHOTO: LE THANH HAI

When I understood my mother's hardships, I also saw clearly the nature of the cycle of time. There is no cycle when each year my mother's face has more wrinkles of the years. Time passes by, the reeds bloom on my mother's hair, sowing in my heart a thousand times of melancholy and anxiety. Every spring, the flowers bloom, and age fades. My mother's age is like a swallow's wing hovering over the gradually fading spring, gently stirring my whole life. I am afraid that each spring that passes, my mother will become more frail and old, like an old tree that is losing its life when the small clusters of flowers still need protection and shelter.

Every spring, my mother still sends me lucky money, oh how happy! That happiness is not the happiness of a child being given brand new money. It is a happiness that has been nurtured for many years and grows bigger each day, like the apricot tree in the yard that is fertilized every year and blooms hopefully after the cold. Last year I was able to welcome spring with my mother, this year I am able to welcome spring with my mother after the fear that her hair would fly away like clouds and wind, what greater joy could there be?

Every spring, flowers bloom, age fades…

PHOTO: LE THANH HAI

But then, with each passing spring, my heart is filled with anxiety. And then I feel moved every time I hear the lyrics: "Every spring my mother grows a year older/Every spring my mother is closer to me/Even though I know this, I still have to believe/I still have to believe my mother is still young/Every spring my mother gets a new age/Every new spring I give my mother lucky money". I have agreed with the author of this song.

"Different beds, same dreams", we have the same worries, the same feelings and the same actions. No one can resist the law of time. If one spring I am shocked without my mother, spring will be lonely and people's hearts will be lonely. I am always hesitant and worried about that loss. So every spring, I send my heart with the swallows to send a song to spring: "Spring, oh spring, if there is no joy/Please don't, don't come looking for it"...

Thanhnien.vn

Source: https://thanhnien.vn/nghi-ve-me-khi-mua-xuan-ve-185250128141516412.htm