Every time I go back to my hometown, my mother brings strangers to dinner. I know her purpose but I still force them to leave.

My mother said: "So what if a man gets divorced? He's still young and rich, I think it's okay."

She told me I was 28 years old and still didn't have a boyfriend, the neighbors were gossiping, and that it would be difficult to have children when I got older. I was very upset, and let the neighbors say whatever they wanted. I didn't need them to live my life for me, and having children was a woman's choice, not a forced obligation.

Generational differences

My mother and I have different thoughts, perhaps due to the difference in ideology of the times. I was born in the countryside, when I was 18 I went to the city to study at university, after graduating I did not return to my hometown but stayed in the city to work, so I was away from home for 10 years.

My mother, following traditional beliefs, wanted me to finish school and return to my hometown to find a stable job, get married and have children soon. As for me, when I was exposed to a new life, I wanted to become an independent woman, with courage and a career of my own. My mother always urged me to be this or that, that having children was the most important thing, and wanted me to quickly stabilize my life, take the civil service exam like my cousin, become a teacher like my cousin, only then would life be happy.

I only like to listen and learn about stories about women who are self-employed, who can make a big career for themselves, family is not the only place a woman can return to. My mother's backward thinking should be cut off early. Therefore, my mother and I's conversations never end well. It's like my mother and I were in a well together, but one day I grabbed the rope, climbed out of the well, and saw the colorful sky outside. My mother still stayed in the well, she told me it was very comfortable here, go back. There's no problem with my mind to return to the well, if I return to the well, all the years of my mother's efforts in raising me and educating me will be in vain.

If I had only graduated from primary school and worked as a factory worker in the countryside, I would have lived according to my mother's wishes. But no, when I was young, my mother told me to study hard and pass the university entrance exam to have honor. Now, when I am at the right time to be honorable, my mother tells me to go back to the old life, how can I listen? My mother said that studying changes my destiny, now I am changing, my mother is hindering me, how can that be?

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The mother humiliated her daughter, introducing her to men who had been divorced before.

When I was in college, I had a boyfriend. After graduating, we stayed in the city to work and rented a room to live together. When my mother found out that I was living with my boyfriend, she scolded me and forced me to move out and live alone. Of course, I didn’t agree, but not long after that, my boyfriend suggested breaking up, making me suspect that my mother was the one who forced him to do so.

When we broke up, I was in a daze and didn’t understand what was going on. My boyfriend just said he was tired and didn’t want to continue. I went home and asked my mother. She didn’t confirm or deny it, she just said that living together with my boyfriend meant there was no future, and that it was good to break up. In fact, in my mother’s eyes, “no future” meant that our family backgrounds were similar, and that after we got married, the guy’s family wouldn’t be able to buy a house in the city.

What was even more ridiculous was that after my mother had decided to separate us, she advised me every day to get married quickly. Later, I thought it through, perhaps my mother had a clear plan, wanting me to return to the countryside to live as she wished, but halfway through, a boyfriend appeared, so she had to separate the couple, then insert the person she liked to complete her plan.

There were 3 times in a row when I came home, my mother brought a stranger home for dinner without saying anything, I just glanced at her and knew she was trying to set me up with that person. What was even more annoying was that she brought home 3 men, 2 of whom were not too old but both had been married before, and the third had a child. The first time I was patient, but her attitude was also cold, causing everyone to break up unhappily. The second and third times I couldn't bear it anymore and sent them home. From that time on, whenever there was a holiday that wasn't too important, I absolutely refused to go home.

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In the homeland, we cannot find common ground.

I am probably the only one who does not miss home among those who live far away from home. Because whenever I go back to my hometown, meet relatives or neighbors, the first question is always related to marriage. No one cares if I work hard, if I am tired, if I have any unpleasant experiences living alone in the city. They just say I am 28 years old this year, I am getting old, I should get married.

In their eyes, a 28-year-old unmarried girl like me seems to have committed some great sin. Not only that, even my old friends who now work in the countryside are the same, we really have no common topic to talk about. There are friends who have braided their hair, played jump rope, played house with me since childhood, and made plans to have a meal together during Tet, but all they talk about is going on blind dates and getting married.

I have a very close friend, last year her mother also introduced someone to her daughter. At first she didn't like it, but after listening to her relatives' advice, she decided to marry that man. I asked her this was a matter of a lifetime, why did she compromise so easily? She said, you should also pay attention to your parents' feelings a little, after all, marriage is not her business alone, it's better for a daughter to get married early. I was speechless, my close childhood friend now resembled my mother exactly. At that time, I realized that if I still wanted to continue living according to my own preferences, I definitely could not go back to my hometown, otherwise, under the pressure of the relatives around me, I would gradually be "brainwashed" without knowing it.

Don't be afraid of marriage, don't rush into it

Actually, I am not a celibate. I do have hopes for marriage, but I will not blindly marry, and I absolutely will not accept the marriage that my mother arranged for me. My parents often advise me to get married soon because they think that after marriage, life will get better and better.

I don't understand where they got the confidence to say that, because their marriage itself is not going well. The two of them have very different personalities, from childhood to adulthood I have heard my parents argue many times, they can argue for hours just because of small things like who washes the dishes, who does the laundry. Parents arguing too much is not good for young children, it can create psychological scars for them later, making them afraid of marriage. I want a husband that we can understand and tolerate each other, not quarrel all day and night. If I can't find one, I don't mind not getting married all my life. I would rather live alone in old age than endure an unhappy marriage.

Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/moi-lan-toi-ve-que-me-deu-dua-nguoi-la-toi-an-com-toi-thua-biet-muc-dich-cua-ba-nhung-van-lam-cang-duoi-thang-co-ho-di-172240621214541012.htm